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whoa. i said next day and look how far back this is... i'll just wrap up my singing in the rain rant. all in all while the musical was not bad, it got rather draggy, and i'm pretty sure it'd be inferior to the movie (it's a limitation of the stage). cosmo's make em laugh scene was too draggy... but the silent movie spoofs were hilarious. and i still adore lina ^_^
today we finally finished the cip. i'm relieved, because it's a great weight off my shoulders... i'm still a bit annoyed with haihan (though i know it's not really his fault) and with the axa people and with myself over the sheer inefficiency of the whole thing. but we seemed to have fun. i didn't stay to chat with the councillors... partially because i feel a bit touchy around them and i got a bit annoyed with yang the rest who were there first when they shushed me (i guess that's pettiness) and i just wanted to get away. even on the bus home i saw them standing outside paragon still talking and i felt a twinge of well, melancholy, and yet though i felt kinda left out, it just wouldn't have felt right to stay with them. i just don't belong there.
council's just become a big drag. and a big burden. i'm just lost in it... because i have no connections with it. i rarely talk to anyone outside of pubco... and i have no real friends in council that aren't in my class. i just can't click with them. i can't stand snr guys when they're all together. but i'm alright with them alone. and it shows. for the leadership workshop thing, i can't help but feel out of place. didn't really want to mix. and didn't really get along with anyone... and -sigh- i just want to get away from council. i don't even feel like going for council outing... i don't like some people in general... others, well... for haihan i can't stop apologising to him, for snr i'm ok with them in small doses, but i think i irk them when i refuse to mix. for snr girls... i'm ok. i think meina's a really really nice person, and with weisi it's kinda like with nat. it's an aziz fielding thing. like there was some form of sharing but no connection came out. yang... well she infuriates me sometimes, and i'm alright with shuqi when she isn't sticking to yang. i'm generally alright with welco ^_^ love the lot. but ecaco girls are just this big clique and they're just not my sort of person... and i'm generally ok with pub. but being ok doesn't mean making friends. it doesn't mean feeling like i belong. i don't know what to say or do or react or behave and then my (quote) peoplephobia (unquote) kicks in and i just sit there quietly and keep to kelvin or sharon or lin hai (unfortunately he's gone... -sigh-) or yexiang. and just pray for the day to end fastly.
i can't even find a niche in council. so what if i'm art director? i can't really draw. janice and meina are much better at design than me. but art is probably the only thing i can do. (aside from gs-ing but i just don't have the leadership ding in me, apparently.) -sigh- i don't feel sufficiently at ease to take charge of things so i push it around and try to avoid being a leader of any sort.
i generally like doing non-council things now. like working out in the gym, or swimming (i think i understand why miss lim does it. it does help in clearing your mind sometimes.) or going out with non-council people, like pooh. (only problem is, i think he's fine generally when me and kelvin are just monkey and wombat, but sometimes we morph into ailin and kelvin the couple and i think he feels a little awkward.)
people are just irking me now and i find myself getting all sentimental over friends not with me now. like yijun and char and shaRon. and then of course everytime i'm in trouble or things get difficult i miss you again. and that black hole that's your room keeps gnawing at me and it hurts so badly sometimes. i want to be alone now to comtemplate life, and yet i'm afraid to, because i feel so empty. and i can't concentrate on doing my work and next year looks to be absolutely traumatic. and suddenly i realise that i'm nearing uni and i don't even know what i want to do with my life.
i'd like to say c'est la vie and que sera sera. but it's getting more difficult now.
she took the flowers and left at 1:58 PM
i kinda figure dhs would pull a stunt like this... back that damned cds and cut our funding. i really don't get this school sometimes. it's only because cds has the backing of influential teachers that bother to fight for it... (wonders what would happen if dear old dora was still here... hurl a book at mr tan or crack such and acidic barb at him that his office would instantaneously corrode.) don't worry raining. you get your os out of the way first then go help em. the seniors are always here if you need us...
just got back from watching Singing in the Rain. i love lina! she's such a sweetheart. she's meant to be the villain and annoying et al, but you end up loving her. she's such a dear. and pia who played Kathy's a sweetheart too. it's such a feel-good show. -melts- rant more tomorrow... -yawn- i'm tired...
-feel-good humming-
she took the flowers and left at 3:19 PM
got the li'l comments function thingy up... ^_^
anyone realised that the movie made draco look like a kleptomaniac? or played up his poor-little-rich-boy image? or encouraged the i'm-not-evil-just-misunderstood notion about draco? and ron became the scene-stealer? ron had the coolest lines and the most fantabulous face contortions, and stole the limelight completely from boring, holier-than-thou harry? (harry who?)
and i'm still replaying the scene with draco and the baby mandrake in my head =^^=
raining dear, will your mom allow you to watch a 6 o'clock movie? cos that's the only time mel can make it... >_<
just realised that there's so much to do in the hols, kickboxing (^^), movies, proposals, rehearsals and tech runs, cosplay, zoo-outing, chalets @_@ and to renew contact with my television set. how i've missed it in this year... (it doesn't even recognise me anymore -gasp-) and watch good late night television... -hugs the telly- oh my rectangular friend... how i've missed your shiny metallic countenance... your bright flashing lights...
-sighs-
she took the flowers and left at 9:56 AM
watched harry potter 2 yesterday! -dies from bliss- it's better than the first one... imo... ^__^ did a much better job at putting the book on-screen (not the best job, mind you. but considering the limitations of tinseltown...tis not bad already... ^__^) once again they dragged some scenes for dramatic effect (or hollywood's opinion of dramatic effect) and cut out some scenes (many scenes) some dialougue... (most remained true... right down to "the punchline of my japanese golfer joke" and aunt petunia's "salmon-pink dress")snape was less sinister, tortured poet and more dignity and dry humour ^_^ lucius malfoy tres sinister (and there's a little valentine from chris columbus to us die-hard fans in the last scene with lucius in it... won't spoil it for those who haven't watched...) draco looks all-grown up -sob- and all smirking-goodness. Slytherins ARE sexier. ('cept crabbe and goyle... >_< but they have their day too...)
my only regret was that there was no applauding this year... i'll always remember last year's harry potter, os over and out of the way... and for the time being there seemed like there was nothing to stop us... and we just went ballistic in the cinema, what with audrey screaming "i love oliver wood" and me and raining expressing our indignations at hollywood's changes... and the spontaneous applause erupting from everyone in the cinema when gryffindor won quidditch... and when then house cup... and when the movie ended... i so wished that day would last longer...this time the crowd was different. more working adults... less die-hard fans... no applause...
no magic (maybe we grew up.)
it's kinda sad, no? all in different classes, our own lives, our own problems now... raining and rebecca still stuck in dhs... the founding a-squared struggling in hwa chong... i'm looking forward for the time we all go watch harry potter (yes, i'm watching again with the whole of a-squared. love it so much!) the friendships in secondary school do last longer. (don't they?) and then there's LotR 2 that i'll most likely watch with founding a-squared
the politicking and bitching in jc's getting a little too much. now i'd just do my job and be a friend to those i believe treat me as one too... (but they seem to be slipping away too... what with pooh leaving and sharon drifting away.)
at least there's book 5 to look forward to... -sighs contentedly-
she took the flowers and left at 6:36 AM
-grin- who thinks cameron diaz in "my best friends wedding" reminds you of kathleen say 'kat'!
kat!!!
i rest my case. didn't realise it either till kelvin pointed it out O_o the big smile. the hugging. the god-damn perkiness. it's almost scary.
only just realised that i have a lot to do for cosplay >_<;; and that i have to get a wig too, cos kel won't let me dye my hair. (in case i turn up for worksessions with red hair. hai han would have a fit. (then again the entire council would have a fit. mrs toh and mr chiam would have a fit.) and he won't allow me to wear a hat to hide it. -.-) bugger. and i realise i have a nice pile of work to clear... and things to read (2 novels, and probably plays by alan ayckbourn. that or poetry by ted hughes). borrowed a selection of poems by e e cummings. it's tres good. maybe i'll put one up here when i have time... (wait a minute. i -do- have time! whee~!)
off to find info for my viva voce... though i can't seem to find anything about liszt's liebestraume... and search for sonata pathetique turned up a gundam yaoi fic -cracks up-
she took the flowers and left at 5:42 AM
oh-- fiddlesticks. after listening to esther's comments about my layout today i went over to look at lucius' blog...
mine does look like hers. >_< oh drat. i'll just have to change it then... -sigh-
had an extremely giddiness-inducing dance session today... @_@ i swear. the dance ics that did "Give It To You" were probably woman-haters. no one in the right mind would make a girl turn 15+++ times in the span of that short song. and i realised (for the nth time) my pscho-motor coordination is waaaay bad. (see me do the robot bit. it's funny. you don't even have to be a sadist to enjoy it. even nice janice couldn't help but laugh. -wince-)
was mulling over the movie "Memento" in the car on the way home... even though i watched it a while ago... the concept's still so scary to me. to forget everything so fast... and be able to create false memories to fool yourself... it's so twisted. and sad. he'll never be happy in his life because he'll never be able to remember... it's such a frightening concept. imagine if you got this affliction now. you'd never remember that you've graduated. you'll never remember that you got married. you'll never remember falling in love. you'll never remember outings with friends, films, books, tv shows. you can't remember who got voted off survivor last week, come to think of it, was there even survivor last week? it's downright scary.
monkey's off watching The Guru with ecaco... -non-commital woffle- ah well. off to give raining-dear tuition tomorrow...
she took the flowers and left at 12:39 PM
i copied my last post at pitas over here... somehow... i guess i just wanted to start off my stint here with that poem. it's come to mean quite a bit to me...
pooh's been sending me sms and '*bear hug*'s from malaysia. -smile- i guess the bear's doing alright after all. then he'll come back home, have dinner... and think that everything that's happened so far is like distant dream.
and then life will go on. it always does. whether you want it or not.
squandered away the last 2 days of school because i was home being a 'pure acetylene virgin'... missed EGM... (don't know if it's a good thing or not...) i think i'm resigned to ling and xun's fate... but it's just one of those things where (as a part of council) you kinda felt like you had to be there. then again... i'm not exactly the best at comforting people... i almost relieved i wasn't. -sigh-
i'm losing the ol' aunt aggy touch. i used to know what to say, when to say, how to say. now i just make non-commital grunts. (i think i'm becoming a guy) if i can avoid messy situations, i do. (is this becoming jaded?)
and i realise i'm seeing more and more flaws in people nowadays. maybe it's people getting more flawed as they get older... or maybe it's just me getting less susceptible to the good in other.
ho-hum.
she took the flowers and left at 10:19 AM
it's cliched. but sometimes cliches work. they are repeated so many times they become cliches but it's only because they express things the best.
i feel your pain. i care. i want to be there for you. i will be there for you. i'll always be here if you need help. it's difficult. and it's sickening to be endlessly told this crap from people you wish would stop hanging around and giving you sympathy. but we care. we honestly do.
sometimes it doesn't matter whether it's a friend a classmate or an acquaintance. the bottom line is they genuinely do wish they could help.
if you ever need us, we're just a phonecall away.
For you :: my friend gave me the poem when my brother passed away
if i die, survive me with such sheer force
that you waken the furies of the pallid and the cold,
from south to south lift your indelible eyes,
from sun to sun dream through your singing mouth.
i don't want your laughter or your steps to waver,
i don't want my heritage of joy to die.
don't call up my person, i am absent
live in my absence as if in a house.
absence is a house so vast
that inside you will pass through its walls
and hang pictures on the air
absence is a house so transparent
that i, lifeless, will see you, living,
and if you suffer, my love, i will die again.
dO nOT hUNT tHE bUNNIES
because i bizarrely really liked the picture of rukia that i drew, i made a [depressive] blog layout out of it. go me. and
look-- so many
shades of grey! and the font used on the separator is goodbye cruel world. isn't this just a basketful of sunshine.
depressive header title is the title of the instrumental theme that plays in the episode where rukia
leaves karakura for soul society.
kuchiki rukia is from the manga/anime series Bleach and belongs to Kubo Taito, yo. art belongs to meMeME.
cURRENTLY iNGESTING: Ulysses, James Joyce
sQUARE pEG
ai is a struggling and penniless university student alternating her time between humid ol singapore, and freezing |
sweltering* york, england. she has finally hit the big two-oh, and everyday she weeps and beats her breast, and sighs, and
heaves, and cries herself to sleep for the wild and feckless youth she never had. she now spends her time wondering about
authors and readers and texts, and how they all annihilate each other. she's had a pleasant life, the one we've all had,
filled to the brim with the love of absent things. (she also loves alfian sa'at's poetry, in case you hadn't noticed.) if you
think you can make her toes laugh, or if this blog has been your secret guilty pleasure, do feel free to find her at hotmail or yahoo
(*delete in
accordance to season)
rOUND hOLES
a-squared (group blog)
alanna
alfian sa'at (O_O)
alvin
angie
april
bean
christie and cuifen
count olaf
darth vader (roxors!)
esther
en qi
foxed
grace
history girl
jiamin
jing jing
The One Who Thinks I Hate Her
kelvin
ling
louis
min
natalie
pak
pei lin
pepper
pooh
raining
shaRon
victoria
wee zi
xingyi
eVERYTHING sPARKLY
10k commotion
the adventures of pudding
arcana
average jane
babochka
demonology 101
desert rocks
directions of destiny
golden
i harth darth
lapis aquae
luke chueh
Melody
the new adventures of bobbin
No Rest for the Wicked
OrientR
the perry bible fellowship
the powerpuff girls doujinshi
reman mythology
saturnalia
schism
sea of insanity
sinfest
Soul-d
The Students' Sketchpad
square brain
potter puffs!
zero sleep beauty
zombies calling
big top
zits
heart of the city
tHE gREEN fAIRY
potter puppet pals
online comics directory
j k rowling
lemony snicket
aBSENT pRESENCES
past deeds of unspeakable pain and terror
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