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am extremely depressed... i managed to get a normally heck care miss lim riled, have mrs ang yell at me, and miss heng write a rather scathing review of my file (which was quite shocking, really, cos i really wasn't expecting some of things she said). so in effect i have single-handedly pissed off 3 of my 5 lit teachers in 3 days... wow. -___- feeling over-run with guilt and kicking myself for chossing to go for cheering instead of s lit... which i really didn't know would have led to such a massive blow-up because i honestly DID NOT want them to keep pushing back s lit so i just wanted them to go on with it and i thought it would be alright ;_; (i was very wrong)... and we wouldn't have to push s lit to tomorrow (which i CANNOT postpone, because we're already wading in backlog, and my conscience is kicking in...) and my piano lesson will not be jeopardised (for the nth time in my 1 1/2 years in hc...) especially with my exam looming round the corner. ARGH. especially this month when TWO DAMN HOLIDAYS fall on thursday and i only have 3 lessons, and missing tomorrow's, i will only have two, and i am paying two frickin hundred and ninety frickin dollars for them. -feels extremely pained- ARGH. -refrains the urge to kick herself-
-pause-
-kicks herself-
-repeatedly-
she took the flowers and left at 3:47 PM
You are the playful pin-up! Do you know how to be
serious?
What Type Of Retro Gal Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are burning
What Self-Mutilation Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Healthy: Self-aware, introspective, on the "search for self," aware of feelings and inner impulses. Sensitive and intuitive both to self and others: gentle, tactful, compassionate. Highly personal, individualistic, "true to self." Self-revealing, emotionally onest, humane. Ironic view of self and life: can be serious and funny, vulnerable and emotionally strong.
At Their Best: Profoundly creative, expressing the personal and the universal, possibly in a work of art. Inspired, self-renewing and regenerating: able to transform all their experiences into something valuable: self-creative.
Average: Take an artistic, romantic orientation to life, creating a beautiful, aesthetic environment to cultivate and prolong personal feelings. Heighten reality through fantasy, passionate feelings, and the imagination. To stay in touch with feelings, they interiorize everything, taking everything personally, but become self-absorbed and introverted, moody and hypersensitive, shy and self-conscious, unable to be spontaneous or to "get out of themselves." Stay withdrawn to protect their self-image and to buy time to sort out feelings. / Gradually think that they are different from others, and feel that they are exempt from living as everyone else does. They become melancholy dreamers, disdainful, decadent, and sensual, living in a fantasy world. Self-pity and envy of others leads to self-indulgence, and to becoming increasingly impractical, unproductive, effete, and precious.
Unhealthy: When dreams fail, become self-inhibiting and angry at self, depressed and alienated from self and others, blocked and emotionally paralyzed. Ashamed of self, fatigued and unable to function. Tormented by delusional self-contempt, self-reproaches, self-hatred, and morbid thoughts: everything is a source of torment. Blaming others, they drive away anyone who tries to help them. / Despairing, feel hopeless and become self-destructive, possibly abusing alcohol or drugs to escape. In the extreme: emotional breakdown or suicide is likely.
Key Motivations: Want to express themselves and their individuality, to create and surround themselves with beauty, to maintain certain moods and feelings, to withdraw to protect their self-image, to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything else, to attract a "rescuer".
plhu: hey... i've been thinking for suitable names for a saikano site... but the only thing i came up with is... love song. lame, huh? can't think of any proper site names... -__-;;;;
she took the flowers and left at 4:10 PM
alanna:well... i like miss heng, she's really nice most of the time, but to quote min, "the occasional glimpse into her psyche is disturbing"... something happen during lecture that was a bit... odd. it just didn't make me (and min and tingyun for that matter) feel very comfortable... but she's much nicer in prac crit and tuts... -shrug- don't know...
-sigh- read someone's comments off bean's blog about pubco. was there a lot of strife? i don't know. to me everything only exploded this year, but to me everything's alright because i think civility prevails and no matter how much you don't like someone, you deal with it cos it's life. i think professionally pubco had no problems. -shrugs- maybe i was just blind. but i'd like to preserve polite fiction, you know? (maybe i overrate image, but i think that at the very least we should show the juniors a more pleasant image rather than show them that they're doomed. oops, was that cynicism? i just think that we shouldn't wash dirty linen outside. i don't know. it's just one of those things i think we shouldn't run around publicly announcing it.) -sigh- i'm tired of all this. why can't we all just let it be. let it rest. that's life. something sucks. you deal with it, conveniently ignore it and everything goes back to normal. we walk away, and everyone's happy. argh.
i'd just like to know who wrote it, you know? if it was a councillor, it's just... sad. if it wasn't, he/she's dead.
(oh my god, i'm actually feeling defensive over my cca! wow. sentimentality at stepping down has changed me. i actually hang out at the council room a lot more, and i talk to a more people now... even braved vj invest with snr guys. gorsh.)
-sigh- and contrary to popular belief, i DO NOT have a crush on him. i just feel sisterly/motherly to him. ok? -sigh- think he's probably just a nice boy, who's nice to everyone. am probably no friend to him, just a senior. and i don't get it. why on earth does people think i'm flirting with him? argh. it's so annoying and it puts funny thoughts in my head. damndamndamndamndamn.(he's not even good-looking. :P) but i do feel like i'm losing him. he'll go and morph into some weird annoying irritating haha-we're-more-happening-than-you attitude bastard. sigh. with kai yuan gone in sa somemore, -___- i've lost my kiddies. -sigh-
just want to be a good senior but why is it so hard now? i'm utterly helpless in anything they're troubled by and i just don't know what to say anymore. and half the time i want to clobber someone.
i think the week's taken it's toll on me. i've got another backlog of work waiting to be done, and my piano's in dire straits. nearly cried halfway through piano lesson cos mrs lee actually chided me (which is pretty unusual cos she's a really nice person...) feel like everything's out of control and i just want to stay home and not go to school and just re-charge. there's this really weird perverse thought that keeps hanging at the back of my mind, and it keeps haunting me, and i'm scared i'll just get in too deep and the thought might actually take shape and i'll have this enormous mess to clear, and screw up about half the thing(s) that actually mean something in my life now.
oh lords. i'm a cryptic rambler.
she took the flowers and left at 4:11 PM
-sigh- just finished rushing gp presentation. want to die... a quick bloglet before i self-destruct...
plhu: a saishuu heiki kanojo site?!?! -sparkly eyes- hm. i'm not quite so brilliant at names... i'll get back to you soon, kay? ^_^;;
she took the flowers and left at 5:23 PM
went blog-surfing just now... read bean's blog. ^_^;; am quite overwhelmed by the irrepressible optimism and happyhappyjoyjoy attitude there. i can't remember being that happy about being in council, or that optimistic about my relationship in its early stages. she is one happy camper.
esther: well, miss heng scares the dickens out of me... well, let's just put it this way. if she were to have a representative movie, it would be 'what lies beneath'. she's really nice, but somehow you have this nagging feeling deep down inside she's bitter and jaded and warped. but then, again, it might be just cynical me. =^_^=
i miss you too raining dear. never fear, sempai always here. will watch yer production, ganbatte!
and josh's fans have kept the flabby marine in the competition and kicked out lashundra. i mean, what the ****?!!? egad. people are completely deaf. i guess the best line to sum this up is the MOST insightful sms ever on American Idol.
"OH MY GOD! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!"
she took the flowers and left at 4:05 PM
dO nOT hUNT tHE bUNNIES
because i bizarrely really liked the picture of rukia that i drew, i made a [depressive] blog layout out of it. go me. and
look-- so many
shades of grey! and the font used on the separator is goodbye cruel world. isn't this just a basketful of sunshine.
depressive header title is the title of the instrumental theme that plays in the episode where rukia
leaves karakura for soul society.
kuchiki rukia is from the manga/anime series Bleach and belongs to Kubo Taito, yo. art belongs to meMeME.
cURRENTLY iNGESTING: Ulysses, James Joyce
sQUARE pEG
ai is a struggling and penniless university student alternating her time between humid ol singapore, and freezing |
sweltering* york, england. she has finally hit the big two-oh, and everyday she weeps and beats her breast, and sighs, and
heaves, and cries herself to sleep for the wild and feckless youth she never had. she now spends her time wondering about
authors and readers and texts, and how they all annihilate each other. she's had a pleasant life, the one we've all had,
filled to the brim with the love of absent things. (she also loves alfian sa'at's poetry, in case you hadn't noticed.) if you
think you can make her toes laugh, or if this blog has been your secret guilty pleasure, do feel free to find her at hotmail or yahoo
(*delete in
accordance to season)
rOUND hOLES
a-squared (group blog)
alanna
alfian sa'at (O_O)
alvin
angie
april
bean
christie and cuifen
count olaf
darth vader (roxors!)
esther
en qi
foxed
grace
history girl
jiamin
jing jing
The One Who Thinks I Hate Her
kelvin
ling
louis
min
natalie
pak
pei lin
pepper
pooh
raining
shaRon
victoria
wee zi
xingyi
eVERYTHING sPARKLY
10k commotion
the adventures of pudding
arcana
average jane
babochka
demonology 101
desert rocks
directions of destiny
golden
i harth darth
lapis aquae
luke chueh
Melody
the new adventures of bobbin
No Rest for the Wicked
OrientR
the perry bible fellowship
the powerpuff girls doujinshi
reman mythology
saturnalia
schism
sea of insanity
sinfest
Soul-d
The Students' Sketchpad
square brain
potter puffs!
zero sleep beauty
zombies calling
big top
zits
heart of the city
tHE gREEN fAIRY
potter puppet pals
online comics directory
j k rowling
lemony snicket
aBSENT pRESENCES
past deeds of unspeakable pain and terror
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