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hey dude, it's been a year, how are you?
don't know what to say... i don't think of you all the time, rarely now. i can use your room without getting teary halfway for no reason. it's strange but i still don't really feel your absence except when i really think about it... mom and dad think of you all the time though... last year on her birthday she dreamt of you, standing at your usual spot in the passage way, like you just came back from a late night out, and nothing ever happened. she was crying all the way to church and through the mass... daddy dreams of you too... recently he dreamt that you were standing by the door to the kitchen and he was so happy, and he ran up to hug you, and you didn't disappear, and you just stood there and let him hug you... they dream of you a lot. everytime they fall sick, they see you coming to hug them, to tell them to take care. even the maid dreams of you, coming late at night, saying you're hungry and asking her to cook something...
i wonder why i don't think of you all the time. i wonder why you visit everyone but me. i remember auntie liz telling me that you might come to visit me in a dream, and that you would never come to me if you thought i was scared, and you would not harm me. maybe you know that i'll be really freaked if you did visit me, but still, i kinda wish you'd come see me. i don't know what you'd say to me... we were never very demonstrative were we? the only dream i've ever had of you was one that made it seem like time reversed and i found myself on the night of the 12th when i was packing to leave for obs... it was like time just went back, and you were ok, and i made you promise, promise me that you wouldn't go and drive a car in australia... and you just smiled... and i can't remember how the dream ended... i can't remember... and i don't know whether it was you coming to see me, or just wishful thinking on my part... i don't know...
i really miss you... i wish you never left... it's when i think about it that i really feel terrible... the idea that i'll never see you again... that you'll never be there when i grow up, when i go to uni to give me guidance, when i get a job, when i get married... i really miss you. i really really miss you...
i wish and i hope that you really are just hiding behind the black veil, out of sight... and i wish i can hear you...
---
and now, once more with feeling:
haven't been blogging recently... not quite that much to blog, unless i do a day by day dissection and examination of my (highly ineffective) study schedule... and sometimes you just stare at the screen but the right words don't come out, or by the time i get to a computer, i've forgotten how i feel...
but... I GOT HARRY POTTER 5 TODAY!!! -beams- went to kino at about 7:15am in the morning because i just couldn't, couldn't wait anymore... it's been 3 long years. (or 2 years, 11 months and 13 days) i understand what grace said before about ji mi books... my brother got me reading the potter books a good year before all the hype and harry potter figurines exploded into the scene... and it was... nice. the fan community was small and innocent, (and warner wasn't suing any of them yet. -rolls eyes-) it's great that harry potter's so popular, but yet it's so terrible all the same... (someone on the houshin engi ML a really long time back said the same thing about houshin engi) -shrug-
but still... am a really happy camper. i think it's a lot better than goblet of fire... don't know why. maybe because i didn't try to rush through the story, the plot was a lot clearer. in goblet, towards the end, starting from the whole crouch and bagman fiascos i started getting lost, and the ending made me feel hollow (maybe it was meant to... hm...) this is pretty good (though methinks the twist better in GoF)... ^__^ won't post spoilers yet, but the ending's heart-wrenching. i think harry's a lot more human now (though the slytherins still remain cariacatures... they're either ugly, dumb, or really evil... usually all of the above, aside of draco.) and oddly, everytime i read a description of the new defence against the dark arts teacher, i always get this mental image of Miss Lee, the insufferable principal from Daria...
went to read some articles on harry potter on the internet, one of which was about the names of characters and someone linked neville's surname to Lord of the Rings' Longbottom weed conspiracy... truly fascinating, considering what dumbledore says at the end of OotP... and rowling does have LotR allusions... like the parallels between grima wormtongue and wormtail in hp... ^__^; think i am obsessing now... desperately want to find someone to talk to about the book now... but finding no one to talk to... argh...
-tears out hair-
she took the flowers and left at 10:58 AM
dO nOT hUNT tHE bUNNIES
because i bizarrely really liked the picture of rukia that i drew, i made a [depressive] blog layout out of it. go me. and
look-- so many
shades of grey! and the font used on the separator is goodbye cruel world. isn't this just a basketful of sunshine.
depressive header title is the title of the instrumental theme that plays in the episode where rukia
leaves karakura for soul society.
kuchiki rukia is from the manga/anime series Bleach and belongs to Kubo Taito, yo. art belongs to meMeME.
cURRENTLY iNGESTING: Ulysses, James Joyce
sQUARE pEG
ai is a struggling and penniless university student alternating her time between humid ol singapore, and freezing |
sweltering* york, england. she has finally hit the big two-oh, and everyday she weeps and beats her breast, and sighs, and
heaves, and cries herself to sleep for the wild and feckless youth she never had. she now spends her time wondering about
authors and readers and texts, and how they all annihilate each other. she's had a pleasant life, the one we've all had,
filled to the brim with the love of absent things. (she also loves alfian sa'at's poetry, in case you hadn't noticed.) if you
think you can make her toes laugh, or if this blog has been your secret guilty pleasure, do feel free to find her at hotmail or yahoo
(*delete in
accordance to season)
rOUND hOLES
a-squared (group blog)
alanna
alfian sa'at (O_O)
alvin
angie
april
bean
christie and cuifen
count olaf
darth vader (roxors!)
esther
en qi
foxed
grace
history girl
jiamin
jing jing
The One Who Thinks I Hate Her
kelvin
ling
louis
min
natalie
pak
pei lin
pepper
pooh
raining
shaRon
victoria
wee zi
xingyi
eVERYTHING sPARKLY
10k commotion
the adventures of pudding
arcana
average jane
babochka
demonology 101
desert rocks
directions of destiny
golden
i harth darth
lapis aquae
luke chueh
Melody
the new adventures of bobbin
No Rest for the Wicked
OrientR
the perry bible fellowship
the powerpuff girls doujinshi
reman mythology
saturnalia
schism
sea of insanity
sinfest
Soul-d
The Students' Sketchpad
square brain
potter puffs!
zero sleep beauty
zombies calling
big top
zits
heart of the city
tHE gREEN fAIRY
potter puppet pals
online comics directory
j k rowling
lemony snicket
aBSENT pRESENCES
past deeds of unspeakable pain and terror
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