Tuesday, August 12, 2003 .:

it feels so silly thinking about prom and uk and ucl and king's and york and thinking about accomodations and scholarships when i haven't even passed my prelims yet. everything is half-baked. i've long stopped trying to follow econs. i can't do lit under exam conditions (i freak out black out crack under pressure and basically turn in a paper with thoughts floating everywhere but nothing to connect them.) my physics is laughable. really. and well, maths is... the only shining beacon of light in this abyss. yes. me. a lit student who can do math. (i didn't dare let mr burge know the truth. played along with him when he thought i was flunking math. ... sweet twinkly mr burge. -sigh-) my s papers are downright laughable. and i feel sick and nauseous and want-to-cry half the time. the feeling kinda blindsides you when you're all relaxed, and then you feel that little pull at the base of your stomach and you want to throw up. i haven't started mugging for anything (i don't deny it. i need to mug. i have to. to pass.) and prelims is like, gee, a few weeks away? sharon and xingyi have started combing through tys and it scares me and there goes the little pull and the nausea. i'm just god damn fucking scared. and yet the inertia (ha! physics jargon!) is overwhelming and the distractions and the mental inactivity and les mis playing and playing in my head and refusing to leave and the life i might have known and the dreams and the fantasies and the warped funny thoughts that float around in my head that refuse to leave me alone and i can't get down to study. can'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan'twon't.

mindoverbodymindoverbodymindoverbodymindoverbody.

  she took the flowers and left at 3:18 PM

dO nOT hUNT tHE bUNNIES
because i bizarrely really liked the picture of rukia that i drew, i made a [depressive] blog layout out of it. go me. and look-- so many shades of grey! and the font used on the separator is goodbye cruel world. isn't this just a basketful of sunshine. depressive header title is the title of the instrumental theme that plays in the episode where rukia leaves karakura for soul society. kuchiki rukia is from the manga/anime series Bleach and belongs to Kubo Taito, yo. art belongs to meMeME.

cURRENTLY iNGESTING: Ulysses, James Joyce

sQUARE pEG
ai is a struggling and penniless university student alternating her time between humid ol singapore, and freezing | sweltering* york, england. she has finally hit the big two-oh, and everyday she weeps and beats her breast, and sighs, and heaves, and cries herself to sleep for the wild and feckless youth she never had. she now spends her time wondering about authors and readers and texts, and how they all annihilate each other. she's had a pleasant life, the one we've all had, filled to the brim with the love of absent things. (she also loves alfian sa'at's poetry, in case you hadn't noticed.) if you think you can make her toes laugh, or if this blog has been your secret guilty pleasure, do feel free to find her at hotmail or yahoo
(*delete in accordance to season)

rOUND hOLES
a-squared (group blog)
alanna
alfian sa'at (O_O)
alvin
angie
april
bean
christie and cuifen
count olaf
darth vader (roxors!)
esther
en qi
foxed
grace
history girl
jiamin
jing jing
The One Who Thinks I Hate Her
kelvin
ling
louis
min
natalie
pak
pei lin
pepper
pooh
raining
shaRon
victoria
wee zi
xingyi

eVERYTHING sPARKLY
10k commotion
the adventures of pudding
arcana
average jane
babochka
demonology 101
desert rocks
directions of destiny
golden
i harth darth
lapis aquae
luke chueh
Melody
the new adventures of bobbin
No Rest for the Wicked
OrientR
the perry bible fellowship
the powerpuff girls doujinshi
reman mythology
saturnalia
schism
sea of insanity
sinfest
Soul-d
The Students' Sketchpad
square brain
potter puffs!
zero sleep beauty
zombies calling

big top
zits
heart of the city

tHE gREEN fAIRY
potter puppet pals
online comics directory
j k rowling
lemony snicket

aBSENT pRESENCES

to lose 5kg

any Full-Metal Alchemist illustration or fanbook (thankies, cui!)

bleach merchandise *___* need. the. shiny. merchandise.

eiko den dvd (FY)

cosplay as edward elric from FMA

cosplay as kotoko from chobits

high cost of living and time of your life

goodbye chunky rice by craig thompson

carnet de voyage by craig thomson

his dark materials trilogy

blackadder dvd set

buffy the vampire slayer dvd set

the simpsons dvd sets

a library membership (for the dvds)

watase yuu artbooks

shin takahashi artbook for saishu heiki kanojo

matantei loki ragnarok artbooks

Count Cain 1, 2, 3, 7

Emily the strange

lenore (or any other roman dirge comic)

death notebook

to bring myself to watch the silence of the lambs trilogy

guts of steel

constancy

past deeds of unspeakable pain and terror

November 2002 | December 2002 | January 2003 | February 2003 | March 2003 | April 2003 | May 2003 | June 2003 | July 2003 | August 2003 | September 2003 | October 2003 | December 2003 | January 2004 | February 2004 | March 2004 | April 2004 | May 2004 | June 2004 | July 2004 | August 2004 | September 2004 | October 2004 | November 2004 | December 2004 | January 2005 | February 2005 | March 2005 | April 2005 | May 2005 | June 2005

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