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gosh it's been a long time since i've posted hasn't it? my prelims are technically nearly over, still have maths s tomorrow but i feel so tired of it i'll probably wait till my 3 block break before i demoralise myself by doing last year's paper. sigh.
s lit today was... well, better than expected but not good enough. i think i did pretty gosh darn well for my prac crit, and for my shakespeare i did rather educated waffling for about 1 and a half pages and when i seemed to hit upon a credible thesis--
i blanked out. so i did rather half-hearted waffling and i know i'll definitely fail shakespeare. heh. am i upset? a little. i was really gearing myself up for it, but too little too late i guess. but in a way i'm also kinda happy with it in that it's definitely an improvement since the last, and though it's crummy, it's not as crummy as i thought it'd be. and as for my third essay, well, for all the enthusiastic waffling i did for the dumb waiter, i didn't have time to launch into godot, and as result, i have failed to fulfil the basic criteria of referring to at least 2 plays and therefore will fail it too. 2 fails out of three= overall fail.
am i sad? yes. but then again, i feel like i've been struggling against something that's been a bit too overwhelming. coupled with my last minute salvaging of physics and econs, i just can't take it anymore. feel like i've stretched myself to thin, and everytime i read something (especially that damn shakespeare) i always feel like i'm confronted with some universal truth and answer to life that i can't touch. i feel like it's right in front of me, and yet it eludes me. even when i read critics' remarks, i can't help but feel, "beyond this arch, there needs be yet another arch more encompassing than the first, and further beyond this arch there is yet another..." perhaps the odd science-bit in me is dying for a definition, and solid e=mc^2 so i can claim i'm all the wiser for it all, but i can't. once again everything melts into nothing and the answer is blackness and silence. am i cryptic now? yes maybe perhaps no.
in case you haven't figured it out yet, i'm having a spiritual crisis. not god-spiritual, but the need to rethink who i am and what i am and what i am supposed to do here. i said last night, "i wish i had a destiny" and really do. then i can just be like yuuto and sit around waiting for destiny to bring to me to its desired end, and as nihilistic as that sounds at least then i'd know i had some form of a purpose here.
i wish that my fortune was told a long time ago by a set of poker cards, set into sequence by the joker and revealed to me in a sticky bun book.
prelims pass, by the end of tomorrow i am officially without exams.
for the time being.
and then the cycle begins again.
this sounds like the typical whining, i know. whinewhineresultswhinewhinetiredwhineschool. but suddenly as school threatens to leave me i realise that i've lost anything that gave my life a purpose. melodrama? perhaps. but now as i really think about my life i see all the uncertainty and emptiness and it frightens me.
who am i? why am i here? can you tell me? do you know?
she took the flowers and left at 12:24 PM
dO nOT hUNT tHE bUNNIES
because i bizarrely really liked the picture of rukia that i drew, i made a [depressive] blog layout out of it. go me. and
look-- so many
shades of grey! and the font used on the separator is goodbye cruel world. isn't this just a basketful of sunshine.
depressive header title is the title of the instrumental theme that plays in the episode where rukia
leaves karakura for soul society.
kuchiki rukia is from the manga/anime series Bleach and belongs to Kubo Taito, yo. art belongs to meMeME.
cURRENTLY iNGESTING: Ulysses, James Joyce
sQUARE pEG
ai is a struggling and penniless university student alternating her time between humid ol singapore, and freezing |
sweltering* york, england. she has finally hit the big two-oh, and everyday she weeps and beats her breast, and sighs, and
heaves, and cries herself to sleep for the wild and feckless youth she never had. she now spends her time wondering about
authors and readers and texts, and how they all annihilate each other. she's had a pleasant life, the one we've all had,
filled to the brim with the love of absent things. (she also loves alfian sa'at's poetry, in case you hadn't noticed.) if you
think you can make her toes laugh, or if this blog has been your secret guilty pleasure, do feel free to find her at hotmail or yahoo
(*delete in
accordance to season)
rOUND hOLES
a-squared (group blog)
alanna
alfian sa'at (O_O)
alvin
angie
april
bean
christie and cuifen
count olaf
darth vader (roxors!)
esther
en qi
foxed
grace
history girl
jiamin
jing jing
The One Who Thinks I Hate Her
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ling
louis
min
natalie
pak
pei lin
pepper
pooh
raining
shaRon
victoria
wee zi
xingyi
eVERYTHING sPARKLY
10k commotion
the adventures of pudding
arcana
average jane
babochka
demonology 101
desert rocks
directions of destiny
golden
i harth darth
lapis aquae
luke chueh
Melody
the new adventures of bobbin
No Rest for the Wicked
OrientR
the perry bible fellowship
the powerpuff girls doujinshi
reman mythology
saturnalia
schism
sea of insanity
sinfest
Soul-d
The Students' Sketchpad
square brain
potter puffs!
zero sleep beauty
zombies calling
big top
zits
heart of the city
tHE gREEN fAIRY
potter puppet pals
online comics directory
j k rowling
lemony snicket
aBSENT pRESENCES
past deeds of unspeakable pain and terror
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